The
following meditations, as well as guidance for practicing them, can be found
in The Mindful
Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and
Emotions
This material is intended for your personal use; please do not copy or distribute without permission of The Guilford Press. Thank you.
We usually attend to others—what they’re feeling, saying, and doing. It’s rare that we wait on ourselves with equal care and consideration. Let’s try that now. This exercise takes only 5 minutes. You can’t do it wrong.
Choose a quiet place, sit comfortably, close your eyes, and notice what it feels like to be in your body. Just be with the physical sensations in your body as they come and go, without choosing to pay attention to any particular one. If it’s a pleasant one, feel it and let it go. If it’s an unpleasant one, also feel it and let it go. Perhaps you feel warmth in your hands, pressure on the seat, tingling in the forehead? Notice those sensations as a mother would gaze at a newborn baby, wondering what it’s feeling. Just notice whatever arises, one sensation after another. Take your time.
After 5 minutes, gently open your eyes.
This exercise takes only 5 minutes. Find a reasonably quiet place, one in which you won’t be distracted by the TV, music, or people talking.
Sit in a relaxed, comfortable position with a straight spine. Let your eyes close, fully or partially.
Imagine that your ears are like satellite dishes picking up any sounds
in the environment. Just sit and receive sound vibrations. You don’t
need to label the sounds, you don’t need to like the sounds, and you
don’t need to keep your attention with any particular sound—just
hear whatever presents itself to you. Let the sounds come and go, one after
another. Don’t try to search out sounds around you. Let them come
to you.
When you notice that your mind has wandered away on a train of thought,
as it inevitably will, simply return to the task of listening.
After 5 minutes, slowly open your eyes.
This exercise takes about 25 minutes. To begin, it’s best to lie down on a bed or the floor unless you will fall asleep. Lie flat on your back and gently rest your arms about six inches away from your sides and hold your legs around shoulder-width apart. Place a hand on your heart as a reminder to be kind to yourself. Feel the warmth of your hand and take 3 deep, relaxing breaths. Then place your arm by your side again.
Start with your feet. Notice what your feet feel like. Are they warm or cool, dry or moist? Then notice if there’s any discomfort there. If so, mentally soften the area as if you were placing a warm towel on it. If you wish, extend some kindness with words like “there’s a little pain there, it’s okay.”
Just feel the sensations of your body—pleasure, pain, or nothing at all—and let every sensation be just as it is. (You can take action to help your body feel better after the meditation.)
Now bring a measure of gratitude to your feet. Your feet have such a small surface area yet they hold up your entire body all day long. They work hard for us although we rarely pay any attention to them. If your feet feel good today, you can also extend gratitude for the discomfort that you don’t have.
If you have a lot of time, carefully move your loving attention from one toe to the next, or from one part of each foot to another, first one foot and then the next. Make sure that your awareness is saturated with tenderness, gratitude, and respect for each area of your body.
When you notice your mind has wandered, as it will after a few seconds, just return to the sensations in your body. If you are flooded with judgment or associations to a particular body part, put your hand on your heart again and breathe gently, and then return to the simple body sensations. If an area of your body is very difficult to stay with, then move to another body part for now. Let this exercise be gentle and peaceful.
After you have given compassionate awareness to the sensations in your feet, move slowly to other parts of your body, right up to the crown of your head:
• Feet
• Ankles
• Calves and shins
• Knees
• Thighs
• Pelvis
• Buttocks
• Lower back
• Abdomen
• Upper back
• Chest
• Shoulders
• Arms
• Hands
• Neck
• Ears
• Face
• Forehead
• Crown
As you move from one part of your body to another, return your awareness again and again to whatever sensations are present at the moment, making sure to bring gratitude, kindness, and respect to each body part. For example, remind yourself how hard your stomach works to digest your food, the effort of your neck holding up your head, and the way your eyes and ears guide, inform, and delight you all day long.
When you have paid loving attention to each individual body part, put your hand on your heart again and give your entire body a final shower of affection.
Then gently open your eyes.
This exercise takes 15 minutes. Please find a quiet, comfortable place to sit. Sit in a way that your bones are supporting the muscles and you don’t need any effort to remain in one position for the whole exercise. To do this, try keeping your back straight and gently supported, with your shoulder blades slightly dropped and your chin gently tucked toward your chest.
Take three, slow easy deep breaths to relax and let go of whatever burdens you’re carrying around. Then let your eyelids gently close, or partially close, which ever makes you more comfortable. Put your hand on your heart for a moment to remind yourself that you are bringing kind attention to your breathing.
Form an image of yourself sitting down. Note your posture on the chair as if you were seeing yourself from the outside.
Now bring your attention inside your body and feel the pulsation and vibration of your body. Just feel the sensations for a minute. Let them be just as they are—pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral.
Now bring your attention to your breathing. Pay attention to where you notice your breathing most easily. Some people feel it at the nostrils, perhaps as a cool breeze on the upper lip. Other people can feel the chest rising and falling. Still others feel the breath most clearly in the abdomen, as the belly expands with every in-breath and contracts with every out-breath. Gently explore your body and discover where your breathing is easiest to notice.
Now discover when you feel your breath more strongly—when you exhale or when you inhale. If they’re about equal, choose one. (To simplify the instructions, I’ll assume for the rest of this exercise and throughout the book that you chose exhaling and that the location you selected was the nostrils.)
Pay attention to the feeling of each exhalation. Feel the air coming out of your nostrils each time you exhale. Then take a little vacation as your body inhales. Let your entire experience just be as you wait. Then feel your breath as your body exhales again.
Let your body breathe you—it does that automatically anyway. Simply pay attention to the sensation of the air in your nose each time you exhale, one breath after another.
Be aware how your breath nourishes you whether you are paying attention to it or not. In fact, notice how your breath is as natural as the wish all beings have to be happy and free from suffering. They all arose at the moment we were born. Allow your breath and your natural good to co-mingle in your mind.
Your mind will wander away from the sensation of the breath many times every minute. Don’t worry about how often your mind wanders. Gently return to the feeling of your breathing when you notice that your mind has wandered.
After 15 minutes, gently open your eyes. Savor the stillness of the moment before moving on.
This exercise takes about 20 minutes. Please begin by finding a comfortable, stable position, close your eyes, and take three relaxing breaths.
Form an image of yourself. Note your posture on the chair as if you were seeing yourself from the outside.
Find your breath within your body and practice mindfulness of breathing for a few minutes. Let your body breathe itself while you feel every out-breath, one after another.
After a few minutes, release your attention from your breath and open your awareness to your entire body—to the space within the skin. Your body is vibrating with activity at every moment. Let your attention be called to whatever sensation predominates. Simply notice one, two, or three sensations in succession, such as your beating heart, moist feet, tight neck, warm hands, forehead, jaw, or the touch of your body on the chair.
Let each sensation be just as it is. If you feel discomfort, incline toward it gently and softly in your mind.
Let your attention be with body sensations as long as it’s naturally drawn there and then return to your breath. You can return to your breath anytime you need to gather and stabilize your attention.
Then open your awareness again to whatever body sensations call to you—whatever you feel most strongly. Take it slow and easy. The task is to remain with sensations occurring in the present moment, not to identify as many sensations as possible.
For the remaining 10 to 15 minutes, let yourself feel your breathing and then feel any other predominant sensations in the body. Go back and forth between the breath and other sensations in a relaxed, leisurely manner. Notice your breathing alongside the other sensations going on in your body. Be fully embodied, breathing and feeling.
Gently open your eyes.
This exercise takes 10 minutes and is best practiced when you're having a difficult emotion. If you’re feeling content, pick an emotion that generally bothers you, such as anger, fear, or guilt. The first time you do this exercise, choose a mildly difficult emotion. Start by finding a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take three relaxing breaths.
Note your posture on the chair as if you were seeing yourself from the outside. Feel your body humming with sensation. Enter into your body and into the world of sensations occurring in this very moment.
Now bring attention to your heart region. If you wish, place your hand over your heart.
Find your breath in the heart region and begin to practice mindfulness of breathing. Feel your chest move as you breathe. When your mind wanders, bring it back to the sensation of breathing.
After a few minutes, release your attention to your breath and let yourself recall the difficult emotion. If you wish, remember the situation in which you felt the emotion.
Now expand your awareness to your body as a whole. While you recall the emotion, scan your body for where you feel it the most. In your mind’s eye, sweep your body from head to toe, stopping where you can sense a little tension or discomfort.
Now choose a single location in your body where the feeling expresses itself most strongly, perhaps as a point of muscle tension or an achy feeling, like a heartache. In your mind, incline gently toward that spot. Continue to breathe naturally, allowing the sensation to be there, just as it is. If you wish, place your hand over your heart as you continue to breathe. Allow the gentle, rhythmic motion of the breath to soothe your body.
If you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, stay with your breath until you feel better and then return to the emotion.
You may or may not want to add the “soften-soothe-allow” practice (given below).
After 10 minutes, or whenever you feel ready, gently open your eyes.
Again, start to practice by finding a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take three relaxing breaths.
Bring awareness to your body and the sensations occurring there in the present moment. Then find your breath in the heart region and begin to track each breath with mindful awareness.
After a few minutes, release your attention to your breath and let your attention be drawn to the place in your body where your difficult emotion can be felt most strongly.
Soften into that location in your body. Let the muscles be soft without a requirement that they become soft, like simply applying heat to sore muscles. You can say, “soft…soft…soft…” quietly to yourself, to enhance the process. Remember that you are not trying to make the sensation go away—you are just being with them with loving awareness.
Now soothe yourself for struggling in this way. Put your hand over your heart and feel your body breathe. Perhaps kind words arise in our mind, such as, “Oh my dear, this is such a painful experience. May I grow in ease and well-being.”
If you wish, you can also direct kindness to the part of your body that is under stress by placing your hand in that place. It may help to think of your body as if it were the body of a beloved child. You can say kind words to yourself, or just repeat, “soothe…soothe…soothe.”
Finally, allow the discomfort to be there. Abandon the wish for the feeling to disappear. Let the discomfort come and go as it pleases, like a guest in your own home. You can repeat, “allow…allow…allow.”
“Soften, soothe, and allow.” “Soften, soothe, and allow.”
You can use these three words like a mantra, reminding yourself to incline
with tenderness toward your suffering.
If you experience too much discomfort with an emotion, stay with your breath
until you feel better.
Slowly open your eyes when you’re ready.
This meditation takes 20 minutes. Find a comfortable, quiet place and sit in a dignified posture, relaxed but upright. Close your eyes or leave them partially open. Take a few deep breaths to relax your body.
Bring your awareness to your body by noticing your posture and the world of sensation occurring within the body.
Place your hand on your heart and begin mindful awareness of your breathing. Breathe through your heart. Do this for 5 minutes. Whenever you wish, you can let your hand slowly fall into your lap.
Now release the breath, keeping your attention in the heart region, and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Let your attention be drawn to the strongest emotion in your body, even if it’s only a whisper of a feeling. Use your body like an antenna.
Give your strongest feeling a name. If you sat down for this exercise without any strong emotions percolating, you might be feeling “contentment.” Perhaps you’re just “curious.” Eventually you’ll probably find another emotion, such as “longing,” “sadness,” “worry,” “urgency,” “loneliness,” “pride,” “joy,” “lust,” or “envy.”
Repeat the label two or three times, in a kind, gentle voice,
and then return to your breath.
I you wish, you can find where the emotion is located in your body, practice
“soften, soothe, and allow,” and then return to your breath.
Go back and forth between your breath and your emotions in a relaxed way. Let your attention be drawn from your breath by an emotion, label it, and then return to your breath. There is no need to find an emotion if there isn’t one. Then just be open to the possibility of emotions as you breathe. If you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, stay with your breath until you feel better.
When about 20 minutes have elapsed, gently open your eyes.